Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Funky Cold Medina - Tone Lōc

Artist: Tone Lōc
Song: Funky Cold Medina
Year: 1989
Album: Lōc-ed After Dark

In the late eighties, any rap single that featured an odd premise and an artist who could have a little fun with himself in the video had a hit record. Tone Lōc had a good time in his videos and seemed to be humble enough for everyone to like.

His gravelly voice was instantly recognizable. Every time that I heard Tone Lōc pop up on the radio or on MTV, I stopped and listened. The songs had charm. Especially this one. The images in the video sold me on the lyrics. I was at the appropriate age, where situations like Tone Lōc got himself into in the song were very funny.

This marks the first time, that I can think of, where the rapper was seduced by a transvestite in a song. The premise still held true years later, when comedian Eddie Murphy was seen in the company of a transvestite. I find nothing wrong with that lifestyle. Whatever floats your boat and doesn't hurt someone is fine by me. It's just funny when it crosses into the tabloids.

There is a drink that was inspired by "Funky Cold Medina". It consists of 1 oz Absolut Vodka, 1 oz Southern Comfort peach liqueur, 1 oz Blue Curacao liqueur per serving, topped with cranberry juice and dry ice. I haven't tried it, but it sounds interesting.

Cold coolin at a bar, and I'm lookin for some action
But like Mike Jagger said, I can't get no satisfaction
The girls are all around, but none of them wanna get with me
My threads are fresh and I'm lookin def, yo, what's up with L-o-c?
The girls is all jockin at the other end of the bar
Havin drinks with some no-name chump, when they know that I'm the star
So I got up and strolled over to the other side of the cantina
I asked the guy, "Why you so fly?" he said, "Funky Cold Medina"

Funky Cold Medina

This brother told me a secret on how to get more chicks
Put a little Medina in your glass, and the girls'll come real quick
It's better than any alcohol or aphrodisiac
A couple of sips of this love potion, and she'll be on your lap
So I gave some to my dog when he began to beg
And then he licked his bowl and he looked at me and did the wild thing on my leg
He used to scratch and bite me, before he was much much meaner
But now all the poodles run to my house for the Funky Cold Medina

You know what I'm sayin?
I got every dog in my neighborhood breakin down my door
I got Spuds McKenzie
Alex from Stroh's
They won't leave my dog alone with that Medina, pal

I went up to this girl, she said, "Hi, my name is Sheena"
I thought she'd be good to go with a little Funky Cold Medina
She said, "I'd like a drink," I said, "Ehm - ok, I'll go get it"
Then a couple sips she cold licked her lips, and I knew that she was with it
So I took her to my crib, and everything went well as planned
But when she got undressed, it was a big old mess: Sheena was a man
So I threw him out, I don't fool around with no Oscar Mayer wiener
You must be sure that the girl is pure for the Funky Cold Medina

You know, ain't no plans with a man
This is the 80's, and I'm down with the ladies
Ya know?

Break it down

Back in the saddle, lookin for a little affection
I took a shot as a contestant on The Love Connection
The audience voted, and you know they picked a winner
I took my date to the Hilton for Medina and some dinner
She had a few drinks, I'm thinkin soon what I'll be gettin
Instead she started talkin 'bout plans for our weddin
I said, "Wait, slow down, love, not so fast says, I'll be seein ya"
That's why I found you don't play around with the Funky Cold Medina

Ya know what I'm sayin
That Medina's a monster, y'all

Funky Cold Medina

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