Cats Are Cunts - Triumph The Insult Comic Dog

Artist: Triumph The Insult Comic Dog
Song: Cats Are Cunts
Year: 2003
Album: Come Poop With Me

I first saw Triumph as an amusing puppet on Late Night With Conan O'Brien. I always thought that the skit was amusing, but never quite was laugh out loud. That changed around 2000. The more that Triumph was featured in skit, the more I enjoyed them.

I'm a huge SNL fan and both Robert Smigel and Conan O'Brien were writers on the show. This would seem to be right up my alley, even before it aired. Like most ideas that seem to be one note, I laugh and move on. For some reason, Triumph did not move on. This little puppet dog exploded.

2003 was the height of Triumph's popularity, at least in my estimation. So, when a CD full of songs and skits featuring Triumph and a few comic guest stars appeared, it was a no brainer for a pickup. This isn't an album that I can listen to all the time, but every once in awhile, the time will be perfect for a little pick me up.

When I first saw the title "Cats Are Cunts" on the album, I knew it would be very blue. I wasn't disappointed with that. It was an average song with the right amount of winks thrown in. What makes the song, is the appearance by Conan O'Brien. The deadpan delivery just sells the piece and the audience reaction is the icing on the cake.

Lyrics:
You know...
Dogs aren't clever
they eat their own dung
they whine like babies and sweat through their tongue
The big ones are stupid the small are high strung
but cats are cunts

You know..
Dogs are filthy
they get ticks and fleas
they drag their asses
and give Lyme disease
you have to train them,
pick up their crap on your knees
but cats are cunts

1, 2, 3..cats are cunts
cunts are cats
cats are cunts
cunts are cats
it’s easy to learn
so let’s all say that
cats are cunts
cunts are cats
cats are cunts
cunts are cats
so spread the word
through your own habitat

You know...
Dogs get rabies
they drool and they fart
they drink from toilets,they’re not very smart
they get worms but their better than their counterpart
cause cats are...

Excuse me
Hello, what's the problem here
Conan O'Brien, what do you want
This is my show!
My, my, my show!
What are you doing here?

Yes?

What the hell are you doing?!

I don't know. Singing a little ditty.

I have put up with you crap for years, but tonight you have crossed some kind of line. This is wrong.

Oooo, this is wrong. What would Letterman say?

This is clearly a crowd that expects more from you, Triumph. You have an audience of intelligent people here.

Hee hee hee hee.

Triumph, you could appeal to these people's higher nature.

Alright, what are you going to do about it?

I was listening backstage. I like the melody. I wrote some lyrics that I think speaks to the intelligence and humanity of this crowd tonight.

Heh, heh. Good luck.

You know...
People should live together in peace
Very nice
We wouldn't have war, famine or disease
Brothers and sisters should do as they please
But cats are cunts

Conan O'Brien ladies and gentleman! Conan O'Brien!

Alright!
1, 2, 3..cats are cunts
cunts are cats
cats are cunts
cunts are cats
it’s easy to learn
so let’s all say that
cats are cunts
cunts are cats
cats are cunts
cunts are cats
so spread the word
through your own habitat

Why do you think they call it pussy?

Cats are cunts!