Kinda I Want To - Nine Inch Nails

Artist: Nine Inch Nails
Song: Kinda I Want To
Year: 1989
Album: Pretty Hate Machine

I discovered Nine Inch Nails in 1992. I had heard the buzz about this band that did everything in the studio, with only one person. It was supposed to be amazing. Then, I saw all the pink and blue shirts with NIN on them in my art classes.

I listened to some of the band's music through a few friends. I was hooked. I taped a copy from one of my friends and listened to that constantly. I didn't actually pick up a physical CD until 1994. I could tell you the exact day that I picked it up. April 8, 1994.

I was in Dallas, Texas that morning. I was ending a two week trip with my mom to see her parents. We got back into Chicago around 1PM. I got restless and when to the CD Exchange to scope out the used music. I bought the Pretty Hate Machine and headed home.

At 5:30, we watched the evening news. We normally didn't do that, but for some odd reason we did that day. That's when I became aware of Kurt Cobain's passing. I had been blissfully unaware of the events of that day. I had even spent a good half hour in a music store.

I got a good CD out of that day and another surprise that I'll reveal in another post.

It was almost like a torch was being passed that day. My interest in Nirvana as a band grew that day, but I had already signaled that I was ready for new interests with that CD purchase. It just goes to show that if you get something for free, and you like it, it will be a purchase in the future.

This song became one of my favorites from the album. It was rarely played and it had the raw, yet shy, feelings of a teenager. It fit perfectly with my upbeat and confused outlook on life at that age. It was something grown up and complex. Although it still reeked of inexperience and longing. Something teenagers are definitely used to feeling.

Lyrics:
i can't shake this feeling from my head
there's a devil sleeping in my bed
he's watching you from across the way
i cannot make this feeling go away

i know it's not the right thing
and i know it's not the good thing
but kinda i want to

i'm not sure of what i should do
when everything i'm thinking of is you
all of my excuses turn to lies
maybe god will cover up his eyes

i know it's not the right thing
and i know it's not the good thing
but kinda i want to
kinda i want to

maybe just for tonight
we can pretend it's alright
what's the price i pay
i don't care what they say
i want to
i want to (i'll take my chance tonight)